


so quite new a thing

by BillieShears



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: AU, Bodyswap, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 17:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2476838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BillieShears/pseuds/BillieShears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He threw back the sheets and jumped out of bed, and it wasn’t until he dragged his hand through his hair that he realized something peculiar: it was suddenly quite long. </p><p>He looked into the mirror and let out a scream.</p><p>When Ben had woken up that morning, he was in Beatrice’s body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so quite new a thing

**Author's Note:**

> bodyswap au!
> 
> title is taken from the e.e.cummings poem 'i like my body when it is with your'. ("i like my body when it is with your/body. it is so quite new a thing".)

“Do you really think this’ll work?” Hero fretted, standing nervously over the boiling pot.

“Of course it’ll work,” Meg said dismissively, adding a pinch of cinnamon to the mix, “We followed all the instructions perfectly.”

“And we’re sure all it’s supposed to do is make them see what’s already there?” Hero pressed, as the mixture let out a gurgle, “I mean, if we’re wrong –”

“If we’re wrong, nothing happens,” Pedro pointed to the writing at the bottom of the webpage, “See? If the feelings aren’t there, nothing happens. But if they _are_ into each other, this just helps to move things along.”

“Gives them some clarity,” Balthazar added. “Can someone pass me the lavender?”

“Only use a pinch,” Ursula cautioned, handing over a vial of the dried flowers. “Where’d you even hear about this, Meg?”

“Robbie’s older sister’s roommate tried it out on this guy in her chem class, and they were dating like, a day later.” Meg tossed her hair over her shoulder and reached around Balthazar to give the concoction a stir. “I’m telling you, this is the real deal.”

“Good,” Claudio passed Balthazar a sprig of sage, “Those two need all the help they can get.”

“This smells awful,” Hero cringed, pinching her nose, “they’ll never drink it!”

“That’s what the vanilla is for,” Meg insisted, pouring half the bottle of extract in, “it’ll mask the smell.”

“Hero, do you have the wormwood ready?” Balthazar called out. She nodded, sliding it over to him dutifully.

“Is it supposed to be so thick?” Ursula eyed the pot skeptically, “That seems… off.”

“It’ll thin out.” Meg ripped open three bags of jasmine tea, dumping the contents into the pot.

“Watch it!” Pedro warned, “That was way too much!”

“Oh, whatever, you already put in too much wolfsbane,” She accused.

“Um, guys? It’s turning yellow,” Claudio said, waving his hand in front of their faces.

“Oh, that means it’s done!” Hero cried eagerly, leaning over to double check the recipe. Balthazar grabbed two thermoses from the counter and poured exactly half the contents in each one.

“Perfect,” He announced.

“The Love Gods triumph!” Meg declared, pumping her fist in the air. Ursula grabbed the laptop, scrolling through the directions.

“It says here we have to let it sit overnight – so Hero, make sure that Bea drinks it with her breakfast tomorrow. And who’s giving it to Ben?”

“I will,” Claudio volunteered, “I’ll tell him I’ve found a tea that even _he_ wouldn’t like. No way he can resist that challenge.”

“Monday morning they drink this, Tuesday they’re together forever,” Balthazar grinned, exchanging high-fives with Pedro and Ursula.

“Operation Love Gods is back in action,” Hero said, and she slipped the thermos into her bag.

-

The next morning, Hero had already poured the contents of the thermos into a glass for Beatrice, next to a plate of waffles. When Beatrice came downstairs, she sniffed it experimentally, and shook her head.

“Thanks but no thanks, Hero,” She winced, “I think I’ll stick to coffee.” Hero pouted.

“Please try it? It’s supposed to be a huge energy boost – way more than coffee!” She pushed the glass towards her, insistent. “I know it smells a little weird, but if you just plug your nose and down it…”

“Did you make it yourself?” Beatrice asked, holding the glass up to the light and studying the contents further. Hero nodded. “Well… okay. But I’m only doing this because I love you.”

She took it down in one big gulp, swallowing it hard. She gagged immediately, clutching at her throat.

“Not so bad, right?” Hero said brightly. Beatrice stared at her.

“Hero, you beautiful, sweet, angel… that was the most disgusting beverage I have ever in my whole life consumed.”

“Sorry, Bea,” Hero reached over and pat her hand sympathetically, “next time, I’ll make sure it’s better.”

-

Ben nearly threw up in the parking lot after downing the entire thermos. Claudio had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

“My God, man!” Ben sputtered, “What the hell was _that?_ That’s an insult to tea!”

“I _told_ you you weren’t gonna like it,” Claudio reminded him. “You’re the one who insisted you’d never met a tea you didn’t like.”

“Whatever the hell _that_ was,” Ben pointed accusatorily at the now empty thermos, “It was not tea.”

“Well, it’s gone forever now, anyways,” Claudio shrugged. “The worst is over. You made it through.”

“ _Have_ I? Ugh,” Ben stuck his tongue out and gagged one more time, for dramatic effect. “Let’s just get to class before I pass away.”

-

Lunch that day was as normal as any other – everyone paid special attention to Benedick and Beatrice, but their arguments were so monumental on any given day that the extra attention was hardly noticed.

-

Beatrice went to bed early that night complaining of a stomach ache. She didn’t know it at the time, but Ben did, too. Both of them thought the drink from earlier was to blame, and both of them fell asleep within minutes of their heads hitting the pillow.

When Ben woke up the next morning, he was in Beatrice’s room. He only recognized it because he’d peeked in when he’d been over for pizza last week, when everyone had left him to wait for Pedro while they’d gone out to get it. He didn’t dare do more than peek, at the time – he knew Bea would’ve killed him if she ever knew.

He sprang up, looking around wildly. Beatrice was nowhere to be seen. He threw back the sheets and jumped out of bed, and it wasn’t until he dragged his hand through his hair that he realized something peculiar: it was suddenly quite long.

He looked into the mirror and let out a scream.

When Ben had woken up that morning, he was in Beatrice’s body.

-

Beatrice woke up to scratchy, unfamiliar sheets and the four walls of Ben’s bedroom, very little of which had changed from when they were fourteen. She lay very still, glancing around, trying to remember every possible thing from the night before. Her stomach had hurt. She’d gone to bed early. And now… she was in Ben’s bed.

Was it possible that she’d gotten drunk last night? What were the chances that Hero’s tea had given her some kind of bad, drugged up reaction? But even if that had happened – why would she have gone to _Ben’s_ house?

“Is this some kind of sick joke?” She asked aloud, and that was her first clue something was wrong. It wasn’t _her_ who said that, it was –

But Ben wasn’t anywhere to be found.

As cautiously as she could manage, she clamored out of the bed and made her way to the mirror above Ben’s dresser. And before she could let out the scream that was bubbling in her throat, the bedroom window was thrown open and she – or her _body,_ rather – was scrambling inside, practically somersaulting over themselves. They fell to the floor in a tangle, and Hero crawled through the window afterwards, stumbling over Beatrice’s body on the way in.

“Hero,” Beatrice-as-Ben hissed, voice low and dangerous, “what the _fuck_ is going on here?”

“Uh,” Hero twisted at the hem of her sweater, glancing between Ben and Beatrice nervously, “We may have done something terrible.”

-

She explained as best she could, as quickly as she could – the Love Gods, the spell that Meg had found, the tea they’d been given – while Ben and Bea sat stupefied on the bed, taking it all in.

“Ignoring absolutely _everything_ else that you’re saying – and believe me, we _will_ come back to that –” Beatrice-as-Ben vowed, shooting a glare at Hero, “you’re saying that Ben and I are _stuck this way_? For how long?”

“I don’t know,” Hero admitted, “Meg’s supposed to be the expert here, not me! And to be honest, I don’t know what exactly we messed up. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“What!?” Ben-as-Beatrice shouted, jumping up from where he sat.

“Yet!” Hero added quickly, “I mean, I don’t know how to fix this _yet_. But we will, I promise!”

“I cannot believe this is happening,” Beatrice dropped her head into her hands and let out a groan, “This is just a dream. Wake up, Beatrice, you’re having the worst nightmare of your whole life.”

“Worst nightmare of _your_ whole life?” Ben argued, “What about _me?_ I’ve had to pee ever since I woke up this morning, and I’m afraid to go to the bathroom because of what I might see!”

“ _That’s_ your big concern right now?” Beatrice snapped, “Peeing? Really? Just – just close your eyes and _do_ _it_ , don’t give me a bladder infection on top of everything else!”

“I don’t mean to make things worse,” Hero interrupted, glancing nervously at the clock, “but we’re supposed to be at school in less than five minutes.”

“How can you think of class at a time like this?” Ben whirled on her, “we’re in the middle of the weirdest shitstorm of our young lives, and you want to make sure we get to physics on time?”

“We have a test today, stupid,” Beatrice chucked a pillow at his head, “no make-ups without a doctor’s note.”

“This is worthy of a doctor’s note!” He protested, dodging the pillow.

“Find a doctor who will believe what’s happening to us!” She fired back. She raked her hands through her hair – through _Ben’s_ hair, she corrected silently, and took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. We just have to suck it up and deal with it and after school, we’re rounding up everybody, finding out _exactly_ what they did, and we’re fixing this.”

“That’s the spirit,” Hero gave a little cheer, “everything will be sorted out before you know it. Soon we’ll be laughing about this!”

“I promise you, I will never be laughing about this,” Beatrice swore. She turned to Ben. “And you’re not wearing those pajamas to school.”

“I brought clothes,” Hero reached for her backpack and tugged out a clean outfit, passing it to Ben, who turned to stare at Bea.

“Uh – am I putting these on myself?”

“Of course you’re not,” She snapped, snatching the pile of clothes from him, “Shut your eyes and I’ll dress you, then you’ll do the same for me.”

He shut his eyes and spread his arms out wide, and they fumbled awkwardly as Beatrice tried to wrangle him into the clothes.

“Shouldn’t you be better at this?” He accused, when she attempted to strap him into a bra.

“I’ve never had to do this for another person before,” She defended, “it’s different when it’s not on yourself!”

(When it came time for him to help her get dressed, and she practically fell over when he tried to get her to step into his boxers, he had to admit that _yes,_ it was different when it was for another person.)

“Can I open my eyes yet?” Hero asked, hands cupped over her face, “we’re already running late.”

“We’re going, we’re going!” Ben assured her. “So! Hero and I will sneak back out the window, and Bea, you just go out the front door. If you pass my mum, just say you’re going to Claud’s after school or something.”

“Well, obviously I’m not going to say _hey, mum, I’m actually Beatrice, some random girl from Ben’s school that you don’t know who somehow got bodyswapped with him_ ,” She sneered.

“My mum knows who you are, you came over for dinner like every night that one summer,” He corrected. “But yeah, definitely don’t say that.”

“ _Duh_.”

“Guys! Please!” Hero waved Ben towards the window, and shoved Beatrice into the hallway.

-

After their physics test, they scribbled down their class schedules for each other.

“If anybody starts looking at you weird, just go to the nurse for a while,” Beatrice advised. “If you tell Mr. Peterson you’re getting your period, he gets all flustered and doesn’t ask any more questions.”

“Typical! Where’s his sense of curiosity?” Ben clucked his tongue in disapproval, earning a smack on the arm from Bea. “Same to you – if teachers think you’re acting weird, you can just fake appendicitis or something.”

“You can’t _fake_ appendicitis, but yeah, I get the idea,” Beatrice rolled her eyes. “We’ll reconvene at lunch. Just – lay low until then, alright?”

He saluted her.

“Lay low,” He repeated, “Can do.”

-

Apparently, he could not.

“What’s this I hear about you getting sent to the office?” Beatrice hissed, sliding into the seat next to him at the empty lunch table, “something about repeatedly trying to use the _boy’s_ bathroom?”

“I forgot, okay?” He held up his hands in defense, “So sue me!”

“Now the principal’s going to think I’m some kind of weird peeping tom,” She complained, “I’ll be lucky if I’m ever allowed to go to the bathroom unescorted again!”

“Okay guys, we need you to settle something for us,” Pedro announced, as he and the others started filling in their usually lunch seats, “Hero’s been trying to tell us all day that you two have switched bodies.”

“And I don’t believe that she’s trying to prank us, because Hero is notoriously bad at pranks,” Meg cut in. “I mean – body swapping? That one’s not even _believable_. So _my_ theory is that you guys have banded together to prank _her_. In which case, you should’ve let us in on the joke beforehand!”

“It’s not a prank, guys, I swear,” Hero insisted, glancing imploringly at Ben and Bea, “I don’t know how we did it, but we did it, and now we have to find a way to fix it!”

Claudio wrapped an arm around Hero’s shoulder, dropping a kiss onto her head.

“They’re just teasing you,” He said, “they’re probably just mad that we had them drink that gross stuff.”

Bea and Ben remained diligently silently, refusing to look at anyone.

“So, go on,” Pedro urged, as the others looked on expectantly, “just admit that you’re joking and let’s move on.”

They stared at the table, unmoving.

Ursula leaned in, studying them carefully.

“A couple of summers ago, when Beatrice was visiting Hero, she got really upset and stormed off because Ben said –”

“Stop!” Beatrice shouted, but it came from Ben’s body. She immediately clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

“Because I said what?” Ben-as-Beatrice asked, suddenly very curious, “What did I say?”

“No way,” Balthazar marveled, as Meg let out a gasp, “this is for real?”

“Prove it some other way,” Pedro said. “Ben, what was the name of our middle school football coach?”

“Which one? Coach Howell, or the one who replaced him halfway through the season? Because I can’t remember that one’s name.”

“Shit,” Claudio shook his head in disbelief, “ _shit_.”

“I told you it wasn’t a prank,” Hero said, the satisfaction on her face evident. Ursula turned to Meg.

“You may want to go ahead and call Robbie’s sister now,” She said.

-

They all gathered at the Duke’s house after school. Ursula, Pedro, and Balthazar each took a laptop and started doing some research – whether there had been any accounts of things like this happening before, what the protocol was, whether or not there were antidotes. Meg repeatedly tried to text and call Robbie’s sister, to no avail. Claudio and Hero tried to recall the exact amounts of anything that they’d put in the potion.

“You are all _dead_ to us until this is fixed,” Ben threatened, pacing the room back and forth, “and very possibly still dead to us after that.”

“Why isn’t she answering?” Beatrice demanded, when Meg let out a frustrated sigh and tossed her phone aside.

“She’s got a life, Ben – I mean Bea. God, this is so weird.” She rubbed at her temples, sighing. “I’m sure she’ll call me whenever she gets the chance. She’s probably just in class right now.”

“But this is an emergency!” Ben gestured wildly to himself – to Bea’s body, Bea’s clothes, Bea’s look of wild panic. “This is more important than whatever her classes are!”

“She doesn’t know that,” Balthazar shrugged, glancing up from the computer, “she probably won’t even _believe_ Meg, to be honest.”

“Well if _she’s_ not going to help us, are _you_ guys at least finding anything?” Beatrice came up behind Ursula, peering at the computer screen.

“There are literally hundreds of alleged body swap spells,” Ursula confirmed, “but obviously, none have ever been _proven_. Besides, we’re looking for how to repair a botched spell, not how to cast a new one. The last thing we want is to accidentally switch more of us.”

“Of course, let us have all the fun,” Beatrice rolled her eyes, and turned to Pedro. “What about you?”

“I just keep getting a lot of the same mumbo-jumbo about letting it take its course,” He shrugged, “Damage done. It’ll wear off on its own eventually, if you guys learn whatever mystical lesson you’re supposed to learn from it.”

“What are we, a Disney movie?” Ben scoffed. “We didn’t ask to learn some mystical lesson, _you guys tricked us_. With a botched _love_ potion, of all things.”

“Which is clearly working out great, by the way,” Beatrice sneered, “I just feel _ever_ so much closer to Benedick now, I think we’ll have a spring wedding.”

“It _is_ a lot easier to handle you when you look so handsome.” Ben gave a self-satisfied smirk. “At least my view will always be nice, now.”

Beatrice kicked him sharply in the shins. He collapsed backwards onto the couch, rocking back and forth in pain.

“You’re just bruising _yourself,_ you know!” He howled.

“As long as you’re taking the brunt of the pain,” She shrugged.

“Guys, I don’t think we’re going to get anywhere with this today.” Ursula rose to her feet, closing the laptop. “We won’t know how this happened until we know exactly what went wrong with the spell.”

“I think we’ve written down all of the ingredients we used,” Hero said helplessly, passing the list off to Balthazar for review, “but we can’t remember the exact amounts of what went in. I remember we used too much of something.”

“Or maybe we forgot something,” Claudio suggested, “Leaving something out could’ve messed with it too, right?”

“So, what, we’re just giving up for the day? What am I supposed to do now? I don’t want to go live at Ben’s house,” Beatrice whined, curling against Hero. Claudio winced.

“I know that’s _you,_ Bea, but it’s pretty weird to see Ben cuddled up with my girlfriend.”

“She was _my_ cousin before she was _your_ girlfriend,” Bea pouted, “and I _like_ living with her.”

“For now, we’ll just tell my mum you’re sleeping at Claud’s tonight, and you’ll stay here,” Ben decided, reaching for his phone to send off the text. “She might be kind of peeved that I’m doing it on a school night, but she won’t say no.”

“And where are you going to sleep? It’s not like you can go home looking like _that_.” Meg tugged at a lock of blonde hair. Ben shrugged.

“I don’t mind staying here,” He said, “I can just crash on the couch or something, I don’t mind.”

“We have an air mattress that we can set up on the floor of Bea’s room,” Hero offered. She paused, considering something. “I just don’t know what we’ll tell Leo, though. He’ll never believe us, and he’s not going to like the idea of a boy spending the night, no matter _who_ he is.”

“For tonight, we’ll just hide him. It’s not like Leo ever goes poking around my room. He thinks it’s a health hazard.” At this, Beatrice rolled her eyes. “And we’ll figure out a better game plan tomorrow, I guess.”

“If we even _need_ one,” Hero added hopefully, “maybe it’ll just wear off over night.”

-

It did not wear off overnight.

“Are my sheets going to smell like you forever now?” Beatrice grumbled when she stumbled out of bed the next morning, “because if that’s the case, I might as well just burn these and buy new ones when this is all over.”

“I don’t see why I had to be the one to sleep on the air mattress,” Ben complained, ignoring her completely, “since _I’m_ the one who has the right body for this bedroom.”

“Because I still have my _mind_ , dumbass,” She replied, “and it’s still _my_ room, technically. Now shut your eyes so I can help you get dressed again.”

“Have you given any thought to what we’ll do, if this doesn’t wear off?” Ben asked, closing his eyes and dutifully holding his arms above his head. “I mean, we’ll have to tell our parents, eventually. My mum will probably be psyched – she’s always wanted a daughter.”

“You still wouldn’t be her daughter, dummy. Lift your leg.” Beatrice helped him shimmy out of her sleep shorts and into jeans. “Why are you even talking about that, anyway? It’s not going to get to that point. We’re fixing this. _Today._ Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

“But if we _don’t,_ though,” He said, “Your turn – close your eyes. Whether we tell them the truth about what happened or not, I’ll have to go home eventually. Or you do. One of us, at least.”

“ _It’s not going to get to that point,_ ” She ground out, growing more irritated by the second, “We’re just going to get through today and we’re going to come home and we’re going to do more research and we’ll be back in our respective bodies in no time.”

“Back to normal yet?” Hero popped in, looking at them expectantly.

“No such luck,” Ben shook his head. Hero’s shoulders deflated.

“Oh,” She said, “I was hoping… well, I came in to let you know that Leo’s just left. You’re safe to come downstairs.”

“Good, I’m starving,” Ben said eagerly, cutting past Hero and headed downstairs. She lingered in the doorway, watching Beatrice try to work a comb through her hair (but not _her_ hair, not really).

“Bea, I just wanted to say how sorry I am, about all of this. I didn’t even think the love potion would work, we just thought it would be like a fun, silly thing to try! And now it’s gone and created this whole big _mess,_ and –”

“Oh, Hero, hey,” Beatrice crossed the room and wrapped an arm around her cousin, giving her a squeeze, “Look, how could you have known? Don’t beat yourself up. I know you’d never do something like this on purpose. I mean, I didn’t think it would even be _possible_ to do something like this, so –”

“Me either,” Hero insisted, “truly.”

“So let’s just go eat some breakfast before Ben takes it all, and we’ll get through today, and we’ll figure it out after school, okay?” Beatrice said encouragingly, steering her downstairs, “I cannot allow myself or anyone else to think negatively about this. We’re _fixing_ this.”

-

They did not fix it. At least, not that day. Or any other day that week. And it wasn’t getting any easier, either.

“God, when was the last time you showered?” Meg demanded, when they walked into school Wednesday morning, “Your hair is a mess, both of you. And you don’t exactly smell like a rose garden, either.”

“No way,” Bea shook her head vehemently, “I am not letting Benedick shower while he’s in my body.”

“I’m not going to do anything _perverted_ ,” He said, pulling a face, “and Meg’s right, you smell terrible. You smell like me after football practice.”

“As long as you’re in the body of a teenage boy, you need to be showering like, _on the daily,_ ” Meg counseled. “And Ben, you’re letting Bea’s hair get all greasy. You two need to suck it up and take care of this.”

After they’d showered ( _separately,_ obviously, despite the ‘helpful suggestions’ Meg texted them both), they couldn’t look each other in the eye for the rest of the night.

-

By Thursday, Ben’s mother wasn’t tolerating the alleged sleepovers at Claudio’s anymore – _save it for the weekend, Ben, you have to sleep at home on school nights_ , she’d finally texted – so they changed tactics. Ben-as-Beatrice would come over for dinner at Ben’s house every night, they would do each other’s homework and catch up on what they missed in classes, then Ben-as-Bea would pretend to leave, circle the block, and sneak back in through his window and crash on the floor.

“I don’t see why you can’t just sleep at my house without me,” He grumbled, “and how come you get the bed at your house _and_ at mine? That hardly seems fair!”

“I don’t know how to deal with your mum! I don’t know your relationship!” She argued, “what if I say ‘I love you, mum, goodnight’, but turns out that’s something you’d never say, and she thinks I’m acting weird or something? Or what if she yells at me to clean your room, or asks me about my day, or tells me I have to speak to your great aunt Millie on the phone or something?”

“You remember my Great Aunt Millie? Seriously?”

“The one who smells like moth balls, yes, of course I remember your stories about your great aunt Millie,” Beatrice waved him off, “that’s not the point! The point is, if I’m going to pretend to be you around your mum, I need coaching.”

“What are we going to do when Leo figures out you haven’t – or _I_ haven’t, I guess – been sleeping at home?”

“Hero won’t let him catch on,” Beatrice insisted, “she’s got it covered.”

“I can’t believe we’re still stuck like this.” Ben flopped down onto the pile of blankets and stared up at the ceiling, sighing. “If we’re like this forever –”

“We’re _not_ going to be like this forever.”

“I was just going to say, we’re going to have to start sleeping apart sometime.” He paused. “Unless this is a really elaborate scheme to get me into bed with you.”

“If that’s what this was, I wouldn’t make you sleep on the floor, stupid.”

“I _said_ it was elaborate.”

-

So that’s how it went, for a while: on school nights, they slept at Ben’s house, and on weekends, they slept at Bea’s. It was easier to sneak in at Bea’s house – Leo either wasn’t home until late at night, or he’d be in his room with his music playing loud enough that he wouldn’t hear the backdoor open.

One Friday night, Leo was out with his friends and Hero was sleeping over Ursula’s, leaving Ben and Bea with the run of the house. Beatrice decided it was the perfect time to try out any remedy they could find. She made lists, taking every suggestion seriously. She’d been in Ben’s body for almost two weeks now – nothing was too stupid to try anymore.

So Ben made them coffee to keep them going, and they holed up in Bea’s bedroom, and she ran down the list one by one, ticking off every attempt as they went.

“Okay, so, running directly into each other did nothing but give me a possible concussion,” She rubbed at her head, “and burning locks of our hair did nothing but stink up the whole room. Should we try the blood brothers thing next?”

“You want to slice us up and mix our blood together? I don’t think so,” Ben shook his head vehemently. “Pedro and I tried that once. Know what I learned? Blood makes me woozy. It’s extremely likely that I’ll faint.”

“Fine, you big baby,” she rolled her eyes and moved down the list, “we’ll come back to that. Next up is kissing.”

“What?” He squeaked, nearly dropping his coffee mug, “Kissing? _Why_?”

“What do you mean, ‘why’?” Beatrice balked, “Why _anything_ on this stupid list? It’s worth a shot! Besides, it doesn’t have to be – it’s not like I’m suggesting we make out or anything. Just a quick, stupid kiss. And it’s not like we’ve never kissed before.”

“Yeah, once! When we were _fourteen_ ,” He argued, “and that wasn’t – it didn’t – it was practically a dare. I mean, you and Pedro were making fun of me for never having kissed anybody before. That’s _basically_ a dare.”

“Believe me, I’m not dying to recreate our awkward fourteen year old interactions either,” She said, “I’m just saying, it’s a possible solution and it would be dumb to overlook it.”

“I guess it _would_ be silly not to at least try…” Ben considered, “I mean, all those fairy tale movie spells are always broken by true love’s kiss, right?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves with that true love stuff,” Beatrice said, turning red. “Hopefully just a general kiss is good enough.”

“Well, obviously. I wasn’t implying that _you’re_ my _true love_ ,” He made exaggerated air quotes and sneered when he said it, “I was only pointing out that yeah, kissing is the most obvious solution, so let’s just do it and be done with it.”

“Right,” Beatrice nodded, “let’s do it.”

“Right,” Ben agreed, “so – just a peck, then?”

“Well… maybe a little more than a peck,” She suggested. “I mean, don’t go sticking your tongue down my throat or anything, but –”

“Right, right,” Ben nodded, “yeah, got it. Okay. It’s happening.”

“Okay.”

He braced his hands on Bea’s shoulders – on _his_ shoulders, actually – and let out a squeak of surprise.

“What?”

“It’s just weird, being shorter than you,” He explained. “And just – smaller in general. I didn’t notice before.”

“Sorry.” Bea bent her knees and crouched slightly. “Does this help?”

“A bit, yeah.” This time, when he leaned in, it was Bea who jumped.

“I’m sorry! It’s weird, it’s like I’m about to kiss myself,” She said. “I can’t look at you – me – when it happens.”

“So close your eyes, then,” He suggested, growing irritated, “I’m trying to undo some weird curse-spell-magic thing here, if you don’t mind!”

“Sorry,” She said. “Okay, they’re closed.”

“Okay. Mine too.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay, so it’s happening now.”

“ _Okay_!”

Beatrice opened one eye, and discovered Ben with his eyes screwed shut, lips pursed, frozen in place.

“Dammit, Ben, come _on_!” She snapped, “Do I have to do _everything_?”

“I was waiting for the right moment!” He defended.

She grabbed him – grabbed _herself_ , really, but she was trying not to think about that – by the shoulders, and pressed their lips together, parting them slightly. Ben tilted his head, easing his way into the kiss. It was awkward – they bumped teeth and bashed noses, and it was all over in a matter of seconds. Ben opened his eyes first.

“Still you,” He sighed. “So that was a bust.”

“God dammit,” She said, and she crossed it off the list.

-

Sometime after three in the morning, they surrendered and went to bed. They’d only just begun to drift off when there was a loud pop, then a sudden rush of wind, and the air mattress sank to the floor.

“Bea,” Ben whispered, “the air mattress broke.”

“Yeah, I heard,” She grumbled. “What am _I_ supposed to do about it?”

“Well, I can’t just sleep on the floor!” He whined, “It’s not comfortable, I’ll never fall asleep. And you don’t have enough blankets to make padding, so –”

“Oh my God, please shut up,” She groaned, “fine, just – just crawl in with me, then. We’ll figure out a better solution tomorrow.”

“Really?” He asked, trying to determine whether or not the offer was some kind of trick, “you don’t mind?”

“I don’t really have a choice, and I’m tired, so please just either hop in or resign yourself to the floor forever.”

“Hopping in!” He said, and tentatively sat on the edge of the bed. “Should we lay, like, head to toe?”

“And get kicked in the face in the middle of the night? No thank you,” She scoffed. “Look, we’re mature, reasonable people. We can lie next to each other in a bed and not have it be weird.”

“Right,” he nodded, as though trying to convince himself, “it’s only weird if we make it weird.”

“Exactly.”

He lifted the covers and slipped in next to her. She pressed herself as close to the wall as she could, to give him room, but it was only a twin bed. They lay with their backs to each other, curled away, with as much space between them as they could possibly manage.

-

The next morning, they were faced with a challenge: Leo was already awake and having breakfast by the time they woke up (still pressed on opposite sides of the bed, determined even in sleep not to touch).

“I have to sneak out,” Bea decided, pacing her room at a furious speed, “It’s the only option. I can just sneak out, loop around, knock on the door, and say that you and I have plans. That way you won’t even have to talk to him.”

“Sneak out _how?_ ” Ben asked, “The front door is in full view of the kitchen.”

“ _Obviously_ I can’t sneak out the _front door_ , Ben,” She sighed dramatically, exasperated, and crossed over to the window. “I can go out the window, hop down to the porch roof, and then drop down to the driveway from there. The fall won’t be too bad - I think I can probably land on one of the trash bins.”

“Don’t break my leg,” He cautioned. She pushed open the window and tugged out the screen, ducking through it. Ben leaned out after her, watching as she scurried around the side of the house, sitting on the ledge that dropped down to the porch roof. She slid down, so Ben could only see her head as she approached the edge. There was easily a good four feet between her and the trash can. She looked back at him, shrugged, and jumped.

Bea landed on the trash bins without any trouble, but it immediately gave way beneath her, sending her sprawling onto the driveway, covered in trash. Ben didn’t see the fall, but he certainly heard it, and it made him wince.

Leo was outside in a flash, standing over the wreckage, and looking terribly confused.

“Ben?” He asked, “…Why are you in a pile of my garbage?”

“Oh!” Bea looked up, eyes wide. “I was just, um – checking your recycling! Very important to keep it separated, you know.”

“Okay, well, that’s completely weird.” He reached down and helped Bea to her feet, frowning. “But why are you at my house in the first place?”

“I have plans with Bea. We have a school project.”

“So you came over in your pajamas…?” His frown deepened. Bea cursed herself internally – why hadn’t she thought to change first?

“Uh, it’s – good luck! Yeah! If you work on your homework in your pajamas, you get a better grade!” She nodded furiously, “I’m _deeply_ superstitious.”

“I see.” Leo sighed, shaking his head. “Well, come on inside, then. I don’t even know if Bea’s up yet, but I’ll get her.”

Bea followed Leo in and took a seat at the kitchen table.

“Bea! You awake? Ben’s here to work on your project!” He called up the stairs.

“Be down in a minute!” Yelled Ben. Leo came back to the table and sat across Bea.

“So… you and my cousin have been spending a lot of time together,” He noted. Bea nodded. “Is there something going on that I should know about? If the two of you are dating –”

“We are _not_ dating,” Bea cut in, making a gagging noise, “Ben and I are just friends. I mean Bea! Bea and I. We’re just friends. Who have a project together.”

“Okay,” Leo eyed her skeptically, “that’s good. Because we’d have to set some ground rules, if you were. Just like Claud and Hero.”

“Ground rules?” She repeated, appalled.

“Well, yeah. You know – making sure you’re not letting dating get in the way of football practices or school work, instating a curfew –”

“You can’t tell us what to do!” Bea snapped. Leo paused, his frown returning.

“I’m Bea and Hero’s appointed guardian, so yes, I can,” He said. “They’re kids, and so are you. I really don’t think you want to cross me on this one, Ben.”

“All I meant was –”

“Ready to go?” Ben bounded into the room, backpack slung over his shoulder, also still in his pajamas. “Morning, Leo.”

“Morning, Bea,” He greeted, giving Ben a once-over, “So you’re part of this pajama superstition, too?”

“What?”

“You know!” Bea jumped in, “Do your homework in your pj’s, get an A.”

“Oh,” Ben looked puzzled, “that, yeah. Totally.”

“What’s this project for, anyway?”

“Physics,” Said Bea, at the exact moment Ben said, “English.”

“We’ve got two projects,” Ben said hurriedly, “so we’ve really got to get going. They aren’t going to do themselves!”

“So we’ll see you later – bye, Leo!” Bea waved, and they all but ran from the house.

“I can’t believe we didn’t think to change first,” Bea groaned, “we’re so _dumb_.”

“Come on, you can change at my house. And I grabbed some of your clothes for me.” He held up Bea’s backpack. “That’s what took me so long.”

“God, I cannot _wait_ until this is over.”

-

Back at Ben’s, they changed out of their pajamas and into fresh clothes. Ben’s mother raised her brow at their attire when they first came in, but made no comment. When they emerged in new outfits, however, she clucked her tongue in disapproval.

“Benedick,” She beckoned, “can I speak to you for a moment?”

Bea shot a pleading look at Ben, who shrugged helplessly and pushed her towards his mother. Bea glared and shoved him back before stalking off to the living room.

“What’s up?” She asked, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot.

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to be behind closed doors with your girlfriend.”

“What?!” Bea sputtered, “We’re not – I’m not – you’ve got it all wrong! We’re just friends.”

“Fine, you’re just friends,” She said, though it was clear she didn’t believe her, “but whether you’re friends, dating, or otherwise – no more closed doors when you’re together. That’s the rule.”

“Okay,” Bea glanced around, desperate for an exit. “Um, can we go now? We have… plans.”

“To do what?”

“Uh,” She faltered, “uh, an English project. With Pedro. At his house. And we’re already late, so…”

“You’re free to go,” She waved her on.

“Awesome. Thanks! See you later, Mrs. Hobbes.” Bea froze. Ben’s mother frowned. “I mean mum! See you later, mum. Love you!”

She darted from the room before Ben’s mother could respond, practically crashing into Ben, who’d been hiding around the corner, eavesdropping.

“Smooth,” He commended, clapping her on the shoulder, “I always call my own mother by her formal name.”

“Cut me some slack! That was my second inquisition and it’s not even _noon_.” She said, pushing his arm off of her. “Come on. I already told your mum we were going to Pedro’s, so we may as well see if he’s home.”

-

“We forgot to fix the air mattress,” Ben said, when they retreated to Bea’s room that night.

“Oh yeah,” She surveyed the heap on her floor, “that.”

“I guess we could try to fix it now,” He offered, “or I could sleep on the couch?”

“We’ve already shared my bed once,” She reminded him, hoping she sounded as casual as she was trying to appear, “I think we can survive doing it again.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” He said, and crawled in after her.

-

On Sunday, when they went to bed, there was no discussion of the air mattress.

“Are you tired?” Ben asked, when they were laying side by side in the dark, “Because I’m not tired.”

“So shut your eyes and pretend to sleep until you _are_ tired,” Bea replied, trying to find a comfortable position.

“We should play a game!” He suggested, enthusiastically poking her shoulder, “Bea, come on. Let’s play a game!”

“Fine, fine, we’ll play a stupid game, just stop that,” She shoved him, hard. “But if you suggest ‘twenty questions’, so help me –”

“No, this is better than that,” He assured her. “We’ll take turns telling each other something about ourselves that the other doesn’t know.”

“That’s _exactly_ the same thing as twenty questions, you just cut out the question part. What is this, a middle school sleepover? Do we talk about our crushes and prank call somebody next?”

“Don’t knock it til you try it. Here, I’ll go first.” He thought for a moment. “Alright, here’s one.  I can’t eat coconut. I’m not allergic or anything – it just makes me sick to my stomach. When Pedro and I were younger, I ate a million of these chocolates with coconut filling. Threw up in front of everybody. Ever since then, I can’t stand the taste of coconut. Even the smell makes me gag.”

“Adorable,” Bea said dryly.

“Your turn,” He prompted. She sighed.

“Let’s see… okay, when I was ten, I punched a boy who made fun of my best friend and I got detention for a week, even though the teacher admitted he totally deserved it.”

Ben shook his head.

“Doesn’t count, I knew that already.”

“You did not!” She accused, “How could you have known that already?”

“You told me once before, when we were younger,” He said. “So try again. New fun fact.”

“Fine,” She conceded. “Here’s one you definitely don’t know – that summer when were fourteen? You were my first kiss.”

“What? But you said you’d kissed loads of guys! You were making fun of me for never having kissed anybody before!”

“Because Pedro was already teasing you for never having kissed anybody, and I didn’t want either of you to know that I hadn’t, either.” She said. “I was only fourteen. You remember me at fourteen – do you really think there were heaps of boys lining up to kiss me?”

“They were missing out, if they weren’t,” He said.

“Thanks,” She rolled her eyes, “but it sure didn’t seem to leave a good impression on _you_ back then, considering how you acted afterwards.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you kidding? You kissed me, _ran away from me_ , and the next day you started spouting off all that stuff about ‘living in the now’ and ‘friendships are like butterflies’.”

“First off, I kissed you because you wouldn’t shut up about all the boys you’d allegedly kissed before – boys who I now know were entirely fictional,” He defended, “you were baiting me!”

“So why did you freak out?” Bea asked. “I mean, just out of curiosity.”

“Because I was afraid I was going to scare you off. I thought you were going to be pissed, or avoid me, or not want to be my friend anymore,” He said. “I thought I messed up a good thing. So I said all that stuff so you wouldn’t think the kiss was a big deal. So you wouldn’t hate me forever for it. Pretty ironic, huh?”

“I do enjoy making ironic statements,” She quipped, echoing an old video. “I didn’t hate you, though.” Ben shot her a look, brows raised.

“Beatrice. Come on. You _completely_ hated me. Until very recently, I might add.”

“No, I didn’t,” She shook her head, “I just… hated that you did that to me.”

“Kissed you?”

“Said those things to me,” She corrected, “I hated that you made me feel like that. Like our friendship wasn’t anything. That I was replaceable. I thought of you as my best friend, and you thought of me as a toy to play with until a newer one showed up. God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

“I didn’t mean it,” He told her, “I just… said it.”

“Was I supposed to read your mind?”

“If it’s any consolation, I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks.” She was grateful for the dark – that way, Ben couldn’t see her squirm. She grabbed a pillow and clutched it to her chest. “I’m sorry for being so mean to you. Afterwards.”

“It’s okay. We were both mean.” He shifted so he was propped up on his elbow, facing her. “How come we’ve never talked about this before?”

She shrugged.

“Because it’s awkward?” She guessed. “Because we were fourteen? Because we’re really good at holding grudges?”

“Gold-medalist grudge holders,” He agreed, “world champs.”

“Practically Olympians,” She added.

They lay quietly for a while, side by side in the darkness, until Ben broke the silence.

“I’m starting to think we really will be like this forever,” He said. “I know you don’t want to hear that, but –”

“No, you’re right.” Bea curled away from him, hugging the pillow closer. “It’s been two weeks. We can’t keep sneaking around and climbing through windows forever. Maybe it’s time we come up with more… long-term plans.”

“Did you just say I’m right?” Ben asked.

“ _Technically_ , it still falls under the umbrella of _me_ always being right,” She told him, “since it _technically_ came out of _my_ mouth. You’re just borrowing it.”

“Ah, of course.” Ben nodded. He paused. “It wouldn’t be the end of the world, being stuck this way.”

“No,” Bea agreed, “there are worse things.”

“So tomorrow, we’ll tell my parents and Leo about this. I’m not sure how we’ll get them to believe us, but… it’s probably time.”

“Probably. I don’t think we can keep up our current system much longer.”

“If this had to happen with anyone…” He started. Beatrice didn’t turn towards him, but she reached out and took his hand in hers.

“I know,” She said. “Me, too.”

-

“What the hell is this?”

They hadn’t heard the door open, but they certainly heard Leo’s shouting.

“What do you two think you’re doing?!”

They sprang up, jumping out of bed.

“I can explain –” Bea started, and Ben’s jaw dropped.

“Bea!” He cried, “You’re – _you!_ ”

“Of course she is, and she’s in serious trouble,” Leo warned, but they weren’t listening.

“Oh my God,” Bea touched her face, turning to the mirror, “I’m me! You’re you!”

“What’s all the shouting?” Hero appeared in the doorway, poking her head in. She looked from Bea and Ben to Leo, eyes widening. “Uh-oh.”

“Hero, we’re fixed!” Bea cried, grabbing her in a hug, “Ben and I are in our proper bodies again!”

“What?” Hero’s eyes lit up, a huge smile spreading across her face, “How?”

“Who cares? I’m me again!” Ben crowed, joyous.

“I have to tell the others!” Hero cried, giving an excited hop. She hugged them both before running off to spread the good news.

“I don’t know what you three are playing at, but it’s not going to work,” Leo assured them. “Beatrice, you’re grounded. Ben, I’m calling your parents.”

“Leo, I’m so happy right now that I don’t even _care_ ,” Beatrice said, and she threw her arms around him.

-

“You know what this means, don’t you?” Meg asked. It had been three days since Ben and Bea had switched back, and they’d been holding hands under the table and sneaking kisses when they thought no one was looking ever since. “That love potion _totally_ worked.”

“Did not,” Bea argued, but it was half-hearted. “Love potions aren’t even real.”

“Neither are body swapping spells, and look how _that_ turned out for everyone,” Meg said smugly, crossing her arms. “It’s okay, no need to thank me.”

“We’re never going to live this down, are we?” Bea asked, turning to Ben.

“Probably not,” He advised, “best to just let her have this one.”

Meg beamed, undeterred.

“Step aside, Cupid, there are new Love Gods in town!”


End file.
